Bancul zilei

Ion si Maria erau gradinari. Se trezesc ei de dimineata, sa plece la targ, sa prinda loc la taraba. Incarca bine caruta cu varza si castraveti si pleaca. Pe drum, Maria ii spune lui Ion:

-Opreste un pic caruta, da-te jos si vino de ma pupa ca nu mai pot! Opreste Ion, se da jos, o pupa pe Maria si pleaca iar la drum.

Dupa zece minute, Maria iar:

-Opreste un pic caruta, da-te jos si vino de ma pupa ca nu mai pot!

-Marie, da’ esti nebuna! Nu mai prindem targul.

-Hai repede Ioane, acu’, acu’ ca nu mai pot.

Se da jos Ion si iar o pupa pe Maria.

Dupa alte zece minute, Maria incepe:

-Opreste un pic caruta, da-te jos si vino de ma pupa ca nu mai pot!

Ion enervat:

-Auzi Marie, ia da-te tu jos de pe castraveti si urca-te pe varza!

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Gluma zilei de maine

Late Monday morning, the grizzled fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.
He  found himself in agonizing pain in the base hospital’s ICU, with tubes up every
fundamental orifice, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He remembered he’d been in a, no shit, serious flying accident Saturday.

The nurse gave the fighter pilot a serious, deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!

Joke of the day…

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual 
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only 
the tee shirt that she normally slept in.  As I walked in, 
almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve 
got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming 
or this is going to be my lucky day!”  Not wanting to 
lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; 
right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, 

her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,”What was that all about?”

She explained,”The egg timer’s broken.”